With renewed determination and unobstructed vision Cobbler flew off towards the now mostly destroyed city in the hopes of stopping its inevitable destruction. Despite the many setbacks Cobbler had experienced he finally managed to arrive at the city, which he found to be a rather nice place for a giant radioactive fly. The streets were covered in piles of rubble and other debris resulting in all sorts of interesting looking lumps and intriguing new smells. Cobbler was unsure why the angry fly mob was determined to destroy this rather nice place but he was set upon stopping them. In order to stop the angry mob Cobbler worked on constructing an elaborate trap, when the mob came to destroy this pile of rubble he would unleash a large bag of garbage which would most certainly be so intriguing that it would cause the flies to forget their previous mission of terror and go play in it.

Aaron exited the snack tunnels with a large bag of absconded snacks, eager to set out and enjoy his tasty plunder. However the man in the trench coat had different plans for Aaron. He would not have time to enjoy his snacks for he was destined for a destiny of successive successes. He would plunder to plunder and snacks to snack on later for now the action required was action. The trench coat man’s minions soon found Aaron and informed him of the information they had been given. The man in the trench coat knew this knowledge needed to necessitate Aaron’s cooperation and thus he had been specially formed it to form a need to help in the mind of the recipient. Upon receiving this knowledge Aaron, the recipient, knew what he must do. He set out to seek success in succeeding but failure at failing at the tasks he had been tasked to do. It was unclear what assignments he had been assigned to do but it certainly was certain that the work he worked to do would result in results that would make Joe succeed at what he was currently failing at.

*While much less dangerous than Ned the Salesman the workers at The Candy Store are much feared for their strong selling abilities. **The jawbreakers are amazing as they net The Candy Store more in profit than the customer pays for them.

Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore awoke to find himself in what seemed to be a park in the middle of a city. The tourists that had been surrounding him were nowhere to be found and without their reinforcement of his new identity he felt more like himself, or at least more like Florg Stunt Cow 2 and not Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore which was still not like feeling like Florg but it was a step in the right direction. The park in which Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore had awoken in was unusually empty. It was warm and sunny out with only a few random clouds in the sky and yet despite the nice weather there was nobody in the park as far as Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore could see. In fact the current lack of people seemed to stretch beyond just the park, the sidewalks were empty and the only cars to be seen were parked on the side of the road or carelessly abandon in the middle of the street. Something was most certainly amiss in this place but Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore had no idea what it could be. Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore then heard a buzzing sound. Looking around he realized that one of the large masses floating up in the sky he had at first thought was a cloud was actually a massive swarm of angry looking tsetse flies. This swarm of flies was quickly approaching which is probably why the citizens of this town had fled. Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore was about to leave in a panic as well when suddenly remembered that he was a tsetse Fly Stunt Cow 2 National monument and thus he would be safe from the angry fly mob. This realization was quickly surpassed by another more startling realization, in his current state the fly mob may not see him as another fly but rather as a cow or a mountain, neither of which would afford him much protection against the coming mob. Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore thought about hiding from the coming mob but his current personality was too big to effectively hide anywhere. Thus he stood his ground hoping to the mob would not spot him.

*The Candy Store is located in an extra-dimensional space (to save on rent) and thus The Candy Store worker is not currently in the town.

Cobbler’s plan to unleash garbage to distract the fly mob was coming together nicely. All he still had to do was obtain a large pile of intriguing trash, find a place to stow it and then create a triggering mechanism to dump it at the exact right time. While there place he was currently in was full of all sorts of interesting piles of debris and rubble Cobbler wanted to find some garbage that was truly amazing to ensure that the angry fly mob would be entirely distracted by it. Thus Cobbler set out towards a nearby ordinary city hoping to find some extraordinary garbage. Upon arrival in the city, Cobbler started to amass trash. He started with the dumpsters and then started with the random litter on the street (of which there was plenty, especially as he considered an abandon car to be litter). Cobbler has quickly gathered more trash than he could carry so he started to pile it up in the park, as the area was mostly empty except for a large mountainous statue of some giant heads and a cow fly thing. Cobbler continued to work in peace, the city was empty except for a single person in the park who seemed too preoccupied eating to notice the trash building up around him.

Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore rolled into the nearby town in search of an identity protection agency. Much to the despair of Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore the town he had entered currently had a surplus of tourists and a dearth of anything remarkable or interesting to wait in line to take pictures of. Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore was soon overwhelmed with hoards of people all wanting to see the amazing fly turned stunt cow national monument. The large crowd lined up to see the national monument further reinforced that identity and Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore became more and more like Mount Rushmore and less and less like that of an ordinary giant radioactive tsetse fly. Just little before it seemed completely hopeless he was grabbed by a strange looking shadowy figure hidden in an even more shadowy and strange looking shape. The strange occurrence of happenstance was confusing enough to deter the tourist who didn’t want to think to hard about what was actually going on, but for Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore it proved to be jarring enough to render him completely unconscious.

Aaron’s secret plan had successfully succeeded in substituting the security of the snack tunnel with stuff that has surfaced form the sections of the snack mines sub-terrariumly stationed. The seemingly sizable salary was sufficiently splendid to support the sentient snacks decision to stay as a sentry. Aaron was certain he could skedaddle and continue his scheme to sneak away from his service of securing the section of the snack tunnel. With swift scurries and subtle sneaking Aaron succeeded in slipping away without so much as a squeak. Soon he would surface and start new stuff stuffed full of shiny new schemes.

Cobbler’s attempt to find the city under attack by the angry mob of flies was proving to be harder that originally thought. He had foolishly assumed that a massive mob of giant radioactive tsetse flies attacking a city would be visible from a distance but that is where Cobbler showed his exceptional ability to fail at simple tasks, for he still had a giant blue afro on his head but due to the sudden change in the barometric pressure it had started to droop and was obscuring the top half of his vision. Cobbler was completely unaware of this development as he mistakenly assumed the blue hair he saw was blue sky and thus continued to be unaware of his reduced field of view. Despite the circumstances Cobbler could not help but feel happy due to the unusually bright and blue sky stretching out before him as far his eyes could see. Cobbler became so overwhelmed with the beautiful weather that he stopped for a short rest in a nice meadow to lie down and look up at the sky. Upon landing and looking up Joe’s hair no longer obscured the whole sky and Cobbler was able to see the actual sky which was much darker and more dreary than he had been lead to believe. This sudden change in weather startled Cobbler so much it re-fluffed the blue afro and thus ceased to hinder the view of the rest of the sky, which further startled Cobbler and caused enough afro fluffing to make Cobbler top heavy and fall down. Thus once again Cobbler proved he was most certainly adept at failing in the most spectacular ways.

*Joe mistakenly thinks del means and

Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore awoke to find himself much larger and more rocky than before. As he looked around he slowly realized what had happened, he had been given the identity of a mountain which was causing him to start to become the mountain. This was rather strange as when the identity of Stunt Cow 2 had been thrust upon him he felt no more cowish or stunty than usual. Despite the previous experience Florg Stunt Cow 2Mount Rushmore was most certainly starting to feel different, which would become a mountainous problem if not remedied soon. While this identity was only being temporarily assigned to Florg Stunt Cow 2 Mount Rushmore it was so large and overpowering that he feared it would crush and destroy the rest of his identity before it was gone. He would have to find an identity protection agency to help him before it was too late, lest he be stuck as a giant landmark for the rest of his life (which would probably dramatically increase due to the slower rate that rock erodes at).

Deep in the chip mines Aaron’s plan was coming together. All the supplies were gathered he just now had to wait. As soon as the next hideous snack came up this tunnel Aaron would offer it a rather generous sounding compensation to take his place as a guard from the snacks below. Little would the creature know that in reality the compensation was much less than you could get at other jobs with similar levels of skill requirements and personal safety hazards. With the task of guarding the tunnel taken care of by the relatively low paid snack, Aaron would be free to take his stash of chips and leave the chip mines in search of a more exciting and healthy endeavor.

Long ago there was a botanist names Leafs whose main focus was the study of flowers. Through the study of flowers Leafs found ways to cure disease, make stronger materials, and even produce vast amounts of power. Leafs became convinced that flowers were the key to solving all problems, which was continually proved with each new discovery. For awhile things were great, flowers were being used in almost everything to make thing better, stronger and longer lasting. Sadly this grand utopia built upon the flowers was destined to fall, for one fateful day Leafs was hungry. This posed a problem as it was in the mists of an exciting experiment and having to stop to go prepare food would be rather troublesome. Thus Leafs solved the problem like any other, with flowers. Obviously the most efficient solution would be to create a flower that could make food, that way Leafs wouldn’t have to spend time on the non productive task of food preparation. The flower chef was a success and soon Leafs realized that flowers could be created to do other time consuming tasks. Soon there was a garden full of flowers to do various chores around the house, from laundry to sweeping and even mowing the lawn. At first things went well, the flowers contently did the tasks they had been grown to do and the botanist was able to spend more time working. However Leafs soon started to make flowers to assist in the greenhouse, to help grow better plants. Sadly they were too successful in this endeavor, the flowers helped to grow big and strong flowers, which in turn helped to grow bigger and stronger flowers, which helped to grow the biggest and strongest flowers. These superlative flowers quickly decided that doing gardening work was beneath them and that they should be held in higher regards. Leafs attempted to stop the out of control flowers with some weed killer but it proved to be ineffective on the malevolent flowers. When the flowers discovered that flowers were being grown just to be made into various products they were furious. The flowers went on a rampage and took over the nearby town, burning down the flower processing plant and forcing the local inhabitants to tend the gardens to grow more flowers. The flower army grew in size and number, they branched out and took over more towns forcing more people to work in the gardens. The flower overlords were unstoppable, their empire continued to grow destroying anything that got in their way. Then as suddenly as their reign of oppression had started it stopped, the first frost of the winter came and most of the flowers died. The ones that managed to survive by hiding in a greenhouse were weakened by the reduced sunlight and were easily defeated by their enslaved gardeners. Civilization slowly recovered from the rule of the flowers. People rebuilt buildings and paved over the gardens trying to block out the unpleasant memories of what had transpired. However they knew they must not forget lest the flowers be grown and allowed to rise to power again and thus they put “No Flowers” on every sign to serve as a reminder and protect future generations.

*In reality the swatter costs $19.85 and was only stocked at the store located rather far away.

Cobbler landed in the next city only to discover he was too late, the entire city was completely gone. The destruction was so thorough that there weren’t even any signs that there had even been a town in this location. Cobbler had failed to stop the angry fly mob even though he set out with the intentions of helping them as to stop them when he failed. Suddenly it occurred to him, he was in the wrong location, the city had yet to be destroyed and thus he hadn’t failed to fail yet, he had just plain failed to do what he set out to do. If he was quick enough he could hopefully get to the correct location and correct this failure which would mean he would have to fail some other way which would hopefully mean failure to destroy the city. With renewed hope and loss of meaning for the word fail, Cobbler flew off towards the distant mob of flies.

*a minute (pronounced my-newt) is a metric unit of time, there are 1,000 minutes in a day

Florg Stunt Cow 2 arrived at the identity adoption center, a dreary place that collected discarded and unwanted identities that had been abandoned or lost by their owners. Upon walking in Florg Stunt Cow 2 was greeted by a person who looked like multiple people. “Hello sir, welcome to the identity adoption center. I will be with you just as soon as I file these new arrivals.” At this the clerk opened up some file cabinets and rummaged around. As time passed the clerk started to look like a smaller and smaller crowd until the clerk closed the drawers and turned back to Florg Stunt Cow 2 now looking like just one person. “Sorry about that, someone just abandoned a pile of identities and they had to be safely filed away lest someone steals them. Identity theft is a major problem out here. Now then how can I help you?” “I came here to adopt an identity, my current one has been corrupted made much much better. What I mean is my current identity has gotten replaced with a much less more favorable one. I mean I need one to replace this terrible one for a costume party” “Well you should know that adopting an identity requires lots of work most people don’t realize how much extra work it can be. However I think we have just what you need, we just got an identity in last week that won’t have a permanent home until next week, you can take it and try it out to see what it’s like and if you still think you can handle the extra responsibility then we can work out a permanent solution. Plus this is a great identity to have for a costume party, everyone will recognize the new you!” The clerk walked into the back room and shortly afterwards a mountainous thing looking vaguely like the clerk rumbled in. Before Florg Stunt Cow 2 could react the thing lunged out towards Florg Stunt Cow 2 knocking him out.