Chapter 33 - Coffee Break

*Free z’s only available for purchases of double mega ultra small sizes or longer. **75% applies to the contents not the price

The angry fly mob, having sufficiently torched and tickled the buildings and people inhabiting the city, were in need of energy and thus went to one of the few remaining buildings, the local coffee shoppe*. Upon entry the flies were enraged to see that the lines were separated into a “real people and other non-tsetse flies only” line and a “dirt, garbage and perhaps tsetse flies, we guess, if we have to” line. The flies became even more angry to find their line actually lead to the exit. Surprisingly they were mostly okay to see that the tsetse fly seating area was actually just a trash receptacle with a sign saying “place trash and tsetse flies here” (this was mostly due to the flies liking to say word receptacle.) The mob was about ready to storm out and file a complaint with the better business burro, the business accountability donkey when suddenly the manager, who was desperate for customers of any kind, including tsetse flies, leaped out from behind the counter with some 75% off coupons** and begged them to stay (at least long enough to pay some money and hopefully short enough forget to pick up their orders). The fly mob could not be deterred by the man’s impassioned plea but the prospects of getting 75% off their order intrigued them so they decided to stay. Soon the flies were full of coffee and free of those cumbersome loot bags, bursting with sugar induced energy and caffeine caused jitters, ready to go forth and continue with the tickilling and torching of the land.

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The tunnel was dark and damp, in spite of the good lighting and adequate drainage. Joe attempted to travel down it without seeming too dark or damp but while still not being fully lit or dry as to not incur the wrath of either one of the battling forces in the tunnel. This attempt failed as it ended up with Joe being poorly lit and moist, which caused him to be mocked by the lighting and lack thereof and shunned by the damp and drainage. Fortunately for Joe the tunnel was much shorter than prior tunnels he had been in and only lasted to the end of this paragraph. As Joe climbed up the ladder leading him out of the tunnel he was immediately approached by a man begging him for help. “You must help me” begged the man “This is so serious it must be communicated in multiple ways”. Joe having been begged by the man who begged him for help felt he must help him as he had begged for help and thus he allowed the begging man to continue his plea. “I am the manager of this fine coffee zombie refueling station and the most terrible thing has happened, a band of angry tsetse flies came in and if I don’t do something to appease them they will torch this place, or even worse, leave without buying anything!” “The angry tsetse fly mob here?” Joe immediately leapt inside the nearby large novelty coffee mug in an attempt to hide from the fly mob, lest they tickle him to death (or a really bad sideache). Sadly the mug was full of novelty coffee which despite its many non-coffee properties it still was very hot causing Joe to leap back out faster than he got in, resulting in him colliding with his past self who was jumping into the mug. Fortunately for the integrity of the timeline the collision resulted in the incoming Joe to be throw into the mug while the outgoing Joe ended up slamming into the floor. “While your reflexes are impressive they are un-needed. The fly mob is no longer here” reassured the manager “when I saw the mob enter I took my break early, thus placing me at break time to give me some extra time to think. Sadly my break is almost up and then I will be forced to go back to the time when the mob is here and I’ll still have nothing to stop them with.” Joe reached into his knapsack to see if he had been given anything that could be used to help this man defend himself against a hoard of angry caffeine deprived tsetse flies. As Joe opened the knapsack the manager spotted a pack of 75% off coupon for the coffee shoppe and snatched them. He then dove into the employee break room only to emerge 30 minutes earlier to deal with the flies. Joe was about to leave when the manager’s break ended and he suddenly appeared. “You must not leave without a reward, those coupons appeased the flies and lead to record sales. Here, have a cup of our best coffee, on the house!” at this the manager produced a small house in which he proceeded to pour coffee all over. He then handed the soggy mess to Joe and shooed him out the do to prevent dripping on the coffee stained floors.