Chapter 35 - Problems

*An Oar is a unit of metric time, there are 10 Oars in a day **A third is a metric unit of time. There are 100 thirds in a minute.

Florg Stunt Cow 2 arrived at the store of Fred and was immediately greeted by the existence of Fred’s pet pet. “Salutations how does this day find you? hollow hoe oar eww?” screamed the pet pet’s existence as it ran from the room, leaving Fred’s pet pet behind to wallow in its lack of existence. With the pet pet no longer possessing existence Florg Stunt Cow 2 tried speak but was still prevented by the pet pet who to spite the existence was still there. Fortunately it was Florg Stunt Cow 2’s lucky day as Fred burst into the room from below via the skylight in the ceiling to make his pet pet clean up the mess his entrance had made. “Thank you kind sir for removing your pet pet. I must say I have seen many pets in the wild or zoos but I have never seen someone keep a pet as a pet, its mere presence was quite there.” Florg Stunt Cow 2 regained his composure and blurted out “You must help me fix my name make a cake. I can’t take much more of this correction betterment of my speech!” “I would help you however I am greatly confused, as my speech is usually wrong and thus obviously has no correction applied to it. Now I must ask you to leave if you are going to buy anything, this spot is for non customers only.” “But you must be able to help me, the magic 8-ball of correct-but-mostly-useless-answers said that the person who was a thing was called Fred and that he would be able to help me.” begged Florg Stunt Cow 2. “I’m sorry but you must be mistaken, beggers can’t be choosers and you chose to come here thus you must not be begging now. As for you being a thing that is most certainly absurd, anyone can see that you are more likely to be an adjective and not a noun. And now if you will excused you I must now leave to another dimension for a few oars*, avast!” at this Fred chucked Florg Stunt Cow 2 out of his shop as the store promptly vanished leaving behind nothing but what had been there before. Florg Stunt Cow 2 would have been bewildered by what had just taken place, however in his hurried exit he had left his mind behind, and now in its new dimension it was a few time zones behind. Fortunately due to some quick thinking Florg Stunt Cow 2’s mind was able to get back to his body in a matter of thirds**.

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Joe boldly trekked over the land certain that he would soon find the magic 8-ball which would answer his question to help him defeat the tsetse flies so he could save the world which would somehow allow him to get home. As Joe walk along he was met by a strange looking man holding an assortment or strange objects which only inherently describable features of them were their color. Joe knew that talking to this man would probably involve all sorts of strange happenstance and hohah, but he could not risk not talking to him lest he have valuable information that could help him. The man approached Joe and took the blue off his head and waved it in greeting “Good day dear sir. Might I be able to interest you in some fine colors today? I have the widest selection of useful colors, for example this green here is full of necessary vitamins and nutrients, everyone should have some greens in their diet. Or maybe you could use some orange, this color was used to fight off scurvy on the high seas, it was said the Orange Beard the pirate was so fierce because his crew never got sick!” “Wait a second, that’s absurd!” Joe wanted to leave as it was obvious that this man would not be of any help, but Joe could not let this chunk of incorrect maritime lore go unprotested. “Scurvy is caused by a vitamin C deficiency and thus the cure is foods with vitamin C, while oranges the fruit are a good source the color orange being an adjective is not even a tangible object. Even if it was to assume it shared the nutritive properties of a fruit because it had the same name would be absurd. Furthermore there was no pirate Orange Beard, you just made him up in an attempt to sell your wares!” “Aye, it’s true, me claims are a bit exaggerated but there is most certainly an Orange Beard, for I am he!” At this the man ripped off the mask he was apparently wearing to reveal a massive orange pirate beard. “And now that ye know I must force you to work on me crew, Yarrg!” Orange Beard lunged at Joe holding aloft a menacing yellow and a sharp looking blue but fortunately for Joe Orange Beard was a pirate and thus had sea legs, which while useful when out to sea were very ineffective on land. Joe quickly sidestepped the pirate and watched as he tumbled down the convenient hill into the valley of characters that didn’t last more than a chapter. Joe scooped up the colors the strange pirate had dropped and tossed them into his knapsack, figuring they may somehow come in handy, and continued on his journey towards what he thought was the location that he would later be told. Unfortunately Joe did not realize that these colors needed to be transported in very specific manors, by carelessly jamming them into his pack the colors got squashed and mixed together creating very ugly and nefarious color.